Little Old Me and Big Old Him

Well, I have been holding back on posting this one for a few weeks now because I am feeling so unworthy, but the cat's slowly climbing out of the bag, so I'm going ahead.  This is a hard post for me.  I simply don't know how to write it.  But I'm going to try......

A while back, my friend Nicki told me she needed to talk to me about something that she felt like the Lord was leading her to.   I had no idea what that would be and it was a few days before we had the opportunity to talk by ourselves.  Then she sprang it on me like a jackrabbit!!! :) 

As a lot of you know, Nicki is a great speaker and Bible study teacher.  She has a strong walk with the Lord and I really respect her so much.  She is attending Proverbs 31 Ministries She Speaks conference this year.  Welllllll, she told me that for some reason when she prayed about that, God just kept laying me on her heart, and she asked me if I had ever felt called to speak (and by 'speak', she meant Christian comedy).  I was almost so in shock that I didn't know what to say!  But, I told her I would pray about it.

Now, I LOVE to talk......around people I know, that is.  But you put me in a room full of strangers and I'm as quiet as a mouse.  'Cause I'm shy like that.  However, for whatever reason, it does seem that the Lord allows funny and random things to happen to me.  And He has given me the awesome gift of a thick Southern accent, which adds a "special" touch to almost any story. :)  Still, I didn't know if the Lord was leading me in that direction or not.  So pray I did.....and pray.....and pray.....and pray.  Nicki said she was praying for the Lord to put a turtle in the road so I would have clear direction in what to do.  And I knew that's what it would take.....because I'm a "thinker".  I rationalize everything to the point it's ridiculous (which I know isn't good).  I had kind of given myself the deadline of May 1st to make a decision, because I knew She Speaks would be full soon after that.  So, on April 30th I still had not received any direction from the Lord.  I had told John that I wasn't going to go because the Lord had not given me a "yes" on it.  I guess part of my hesistance was money-related.  Y'all know we're trying the sell our house and every single penny counts at this stage in the game.  I had made my mind up that because I had no clear 'yes' and we didn't have the extra money, then I was not going.   Because it's a pricey little conference (worth it, though).....$550 to be exact.  Well, let me tell you, I woke up on that Friday morning and had planned on paying bills that day so I checked our bank account.  It was John's payday.  When I logged in, I immediately got cold chills.  His paycheck for that period was $556 more than usual.  And because he's on salary, his check is the same each pay period, so I couldn't really explain it.  I yelled upstairs and said, "honey, do you know why your check would be more this month?"  He said he should have some travel expenses on there but not that much.  So, I think that was my turtle!!!  Still, right after that happened, I said, "Lord, could you give me another sign?"  My name might as well be Thomas.

So this ol' country bumpkin is heading to She Speaks in July and I'm just nervous, excited, and humbled all at the same time.  I love the Lord and love to tell others about Him, but y'all, I just don't know if I have the life, the knowledge, the ability to do this.  But I do have Him.  And that's all I need, isn't it?

Right now, the Lord isn't leading me to do anything except be a mama and go to this conference, and the fun little thingie I'm about to mention.  I'm just going to attempt to do what He leads me to do, one day at a time, as I've been doing.  He has led me to help with an upcoming retreat, which I am SO EXCITED about!!  Nicki and Sarah have already been hard at work planning the Live, Laugh, Love Women's Retreat at Fort Caswell and guess what....I'm the "Laugh" part of that!!  Woot woot!  I know it is going to be such an awesome time of fun and fellowship between women from all walks of life.  I can hardly wait!!!  For all eight of you that read this blog (hardy har har)....check it out and come and join us!

And I want to end this by just asking you to pray for me.  I am so burdened about this, not because I feel like I made the wrong decision, but because (as my friend Deidre says) I just want to get my miserable self out of the way and let Him shine through.  

Lead me in Your truth and teach me, 

For You are the God of my salvation; 

On You I wait all the day.

Psalm 25:5